Contest Prep Veggies that Won't Make You Gag

Veggies: a contest prep staple, whether you like it or not.  If you're like me, you tolerate veggies.  You may like a few, and eat them willingly during the off season, but the rest of the green stuff???????  ICK!  My mother raised me eating copious amounts of greens - I just don't care for them.  I do like asparagus and fresh spinach (the frozen stringy stuff makes me want to vomit, though), and broccolini (not broccoli, but broccolini).  And I now have developed a taste for okra.  But the rest of it - I'm not a fan.

As I get deeper and deeper into prep, veggies can actually become a source of carbs.  My last meal, for example, is 120g ground turkey with 300g green veggies.  300g..........that's way more than a plateful of veggies, folks - it's like a plate and a half, sometimes more, depending on the veggie you choose.  And for a non-veggie-lover, that's a lot of the green stuff.  I tried playing around for MANY weeks, and continued to struggle.  At first I was being lazy and was just steaming stuff with salt and pepper.  I soon realized that I was going to have to suck it up and whip out the culinary skills in order to survive.  Here are 2 dishes I've made lately that I LOVE.  300g of either of these is CAKE...........mmmmmmmmmm, cake.


Steamed Broccolini with an Asian Reduction
3 bunches of broccolini, washed with the stems trimmed (this recipe works with broccoli, too, obviously)
PAM olive oil spray
3 cloves of fresh garlic, chopped
1/4 c soy sauce
1 t red pepper flakes
1 t honey (optional)
2 T rice vinegar
1T fresh ginger paste (or 1 T chopped fresh ginger)

Steam broccolini and then blanch them while you create the reduction.

Spray the bottom of a large skillet liberally with PAM (should be a decent amount - enough to saute garlic/ginger without burning).  Heat oil spray over medium-high heat and add chopped garlic and fresh ginger paste.  Saute for about a minute, and be careful not to let it burn.  PAM doesn't last as well as EVOO, so you really have to watch it.  Add in the red pepper flakes and saute them for a few seconds (adding red pepper flakes to oil ALWAYS increases the heat factor more than adding them at the end of a dish).  Add your blanched broccolini to the pan and rotate them several times to coat them in the ginger/garlic/red pepper sauce.  Once coated, add your rice vinegar and soy to the pan and toss to coat.  Remove the broccolini after about a minute and then turn up the heat to high.  Add honey (optional - for those prepping, you can skip it, but it truly only adds trace cals/carbs) and reduce by about 1/3.  Drizzle sauce over top and serve.  Deeeeeeeeelish!

Sauteed Okra (recipe compliments of IFBB Pro, Kayde Puckett!)
3 cups okra, chopped into small slices (about 1/2 an inch)
PAM olive oil spray
cajun seasoning of choice
fresh garlic or garlic powder
salt/pepper

Spray bottom of skillet liberally with PAM (again, enough so the garlic doesn't burn).  Saute chopped garlic for about 1 minute, then add your okra (if using garlic powder, skip this step).  Saute okra for a few minutes and then add in the cajun seasoning.  If you're using garlic powder, this is when you'd add it.  Season okra with salt and pepper and continue to saute. 

The seeds release a slimy liquid as they cook.  This bothers some people, but I don't really mind it.  I saute everything for about 5 minutes or more - they should be soft to the touch.  Sometimes I cook them longer if I have more than 3 cups - it just depends on feel!

If It Seems Too Good To Be True, It Probably Is

You've heard the saying before - and it's 100% accurate.  Whether it be Obama's "Change" and "Hope" or the next diet fad, Americans seem to be turning to the quick, easy fix for all of their problems.  Perhaps it's a generational thing, perhaps it's a changing American attitude - I'm not quite sure what it is, but it drives me insane, especially when it comes to health and wellness.

It seems that every time I turn on the TV, I see ads for the "Hollywood Cookie Diet (Snooki from Jersey Shore was on this - how did that turn out for her?  Still fat?  Yeah, I thought so)," or "Xenadrine," or "Hip Hop Abs."  All of them promise the same thing: do as little work as possible, but achieve great results - guaranteed!!!  Are we really that lazy?  It takes people who are overweight and unhealthy YEARS to get that way - you don't wake up and suddenly weigh 150 lbs more than you did the previous day.  Weight gain is caused by a caloric surplus.  Every day, in order to gain weight, you have to consume more calories than you burn.  You'd actually be surprised at what the human body burns during the day, just by doing nothing.  So, let's say we have a 150lb male, age 25, 6'0''.  This individual burns about 1745 cals a day AT REST(Basal Metabolic Rate, or, BMR).  Now, if he never went to the gym and didn't exercise, his daily caloric need would be approximately 2100 cals a day (this is how many cals a day he could eat and maintain his weight).  2100 cals a day is quite a lot (although, not so much if you're eating junk food).  So, everyday, this man would need to eat well over 2100 cals in order to start packing on fat.  Overeating makes you fat, pure and simple.  Depending on how many cals a day he eats, he'd have to eat in a caloric surplus for YEARS to gain 100 additional pounds.

My point?  It takes you YEARS to get fat, it's going to take you YEARS to get thin. Any product, aerobic craze workout (ahem, Shake Weight), or colon cleanse (probably #1 on my shit list - no pun intended) that promises results in a matter of weeks or months is a complete SHAM.  Sure, if you eat the Atkins Diet for 3 months, or do the HCG diet and eat 500 cals a day for 6 months, or do a colon cleanse where you're on a liquid diet and eating well below maintenance calories, you will lose weight.  The math is simple: calories in will be < calories out, even by not going to the gym.  And that's the selling point: these companies prey on people who have no interest in working hard.  The result?  3 months of basically being anorexic will enable anyone to lose weight; that weight loss, pure and simple, is not sustainable.  As SOON as you stop eating on the weird diet, or drinking your calories, what's going to happen?  Shocker!  You're going to gain weight.  Then you're going to be disappointed and say that nothing works to help you lose weight.  Sigh. 

I recently saw an infomercial for Sensa, a product that promises rapid and dramatic weight loss results by merely sprinkling some bullshit fairy dust on top of your food.  You can go out and have pizza and ice cream - as long as you sprinkle the Sensa crap on top of your crap food, you'll lose weight.  Really?  So you're going to sprinkle Sensa on everything for the rest of your life?  C'mon, America, I'm going to beat you senseless.

I also see commercials for Hip Hop Abs all the time.  I feel kinda the same way about the Zumba craze.  Hip Hop Abs and Zumba burn calories, so, again, if you burn more than you eat, you're going to lose weight.  And for the average fat American, an hour of Zumba is more than anything they've ever done.  Just getting them off of the couch and doing jumping jacks for 20 minutes would make them lose weight.  Now, what I like about HHA and Zumba are that they're fun, and that's going to make people stick to a program.  But I think it should be part of a whole package of eating healthy, working out, and lifting weights.  It should not be the only thing that people do to lose weight.  What happens when you get bored with Zumba and stop going to classes?  Oh, yep - you'll gain all your weight back.

The biggest problem area for Americans is, and always will be, diet.  In my opinion, diet is 80% or MORE of the weight loss/physique game.  This is why products like Sensa or Xenadrine are so successful.  They relay the message that it's ok to eat shit - their products will work despite a doo doo diet.  Again, unsustainable.  I hate to break it to you, America, but if you want to fit into your skinny jeans, you gotta eat skinny food.  This means skipping the grande caramel macchiato with whipped cream in the morning (330 calories, btw) and subbing it for plain coffee with sugar free caramel syrup.  It means skipping the Big Mac and fries for a 93% lean ground turkey burger and a plain baked potato.  And it means ditching the full fat ice cream for a serving of Greek Yogurt.  Is that as fun?  Not really.  Is it worth it?  Is it sustainable?  Yes.  And, the healthy options taste good, too. 

This problem will not go away anytime soon, I realize this.  But that's because we're some of the laziest freakin' people I've ever seen.  America is going to continue to get fatter and fatter, and bullshit companies are going to continue to profit off of them.  The moral of this story:  eat right, workout like an ATHLETE, and you'll have the body you want.   No BS, no fairy dust, no magic shoes.  Just sweat and grit. 

Contest Prep: The Highs and Lows

I'm roughly 2-3 weeks into prep, and things have been relatively smooth-sailing.  I'm a little under 14 weeks out, have 2 cheat meals a week, and am not doing even an hour of cardio.  Life is good!  And, this is the way prep SHOULD look at this stage in the game. 

I've been down this road before, so I know what's ahead, and I know how to handle it.  But for new competitors, or for people who have no clue about the competitive physique industry, you may find this post to be pretty revealing.

First let me start off by saying that no prep is ever the same.  Ever.  The body changes, especially for new competitors who are trying to add mass to their frames.  Take it from me - slow and steady wins the race when it comes to building good, quality, LEAN mass.  You simply cannot add 10lbs of mass in 3 months, and anyone that tells you this is a possibility is either a liar or a steroid user.  If you're like me and want to maintain your beardless face, you'll take the drug-free route, which is the longer route.  I have been lifting heavy as all hell since June of 2009, and 2 years later I am finally at a point where I feel I can be competitive.  My body has changed drastically in those 2 years: I have shoulders, a much wider back, and thicker quads/glutes.  I've had to buy a size larger in shirts/tops/jackets in order to fit my ever-expanding bat wings, but it's all good in the hood.  Due to my weight and size increase, my diet and workouts have also changed over time.  As I get ready to buckle down on my October 29th show prep, I am WELL aware of the fact that my prep for this show will look nothing like my prep for my very first show.  I'm also acutely aware that I will not compete at the same weight as I did a couple years ago.  There's no way that I will weigh 125 on stage ever again, unless I lose mass.  This is why I always say, "Train for a look, not a number."  If I fixated myself on 125, I'd end up disappointed. For newbies, heed this advice - figure competitors don't have to make a weight class like bodybuilders do.  No one cares what your bodyfat percentage is, how much you weigh, or how much you can bench.  They care about your symmetry, your poise, and your teeny tiny waist.  Always keep that in the back of your minds. Weight should be used as a measure of progress, but it is not the be all, end all of your success.  In fact, my body usually stays around the same weight until about 6 weeks out.  That does not mean I'm not making progress.  Actually, it means I'm keeping mass while losing fat, which is fine by me.  But most industry "gurus" will drop cals/carbs and add cardio if the scale stays the same each week.  Lame asses.  Way to think outside the box, guys.

As the weeks progress and the calories SLOWLY drop (I do mean slowly), I will get hungrier and hungrier, and thus crazier and crazier!  All jokes aside, you'd be amazed at what happens to the human psyche as the body becomes deprived of food.  (For the best contest prep article ever written, please read this long, but amazing, amazing article that should be a must-read for all competitors  http://www.scottabel.com/publications/Sometimes%20Falling%20Feels%20like%20Flying%20For%20a%20Little%20While.pdf).  I usually stay strong until about week 5.  5 to 3 weeks out is tough for me. You've made it through over half your prep without cheating, but you still have 5 weeks to go.  The end is near, but not near enough.  This is also the time that your mind starts to play tricks on you.  You send progress pics to your coach and think you look like a snowman, you think you'll NEVER lose enough fat off of your ass to actually hit the stage on your show day without embarrassing yourself, and you start to watch Food Network like it's porn.  Trust me.  Been there, done that, and will likely do it again.  In my defense, I'm a foodie (hence the blog, duh), so I watch Food Network pretty much around the clock.  But it takes a on  sick sort of NEED during contest prep, especially towards the end.  If I can at least SEE amazing food, I almost don't feel as deprived.  Almost.  You'd think it would have the opposite effect, but it doesn't (at least not for me). 

This is the time that separates the women from the girls.  So many of my friends ask me how I deal with my hunger.  "What are your tricks?" they always ask.  There are no tricks, folks.  I hate to disappoint you.  ANYONE who is dieting, listen up: to lose fat you HAVE to be in a caloric deficit.  Period.  End of discussion.  This means you will be hungry.  Expect it, accept it, and get over it.  Turning hunger into a positive thing is where a lot of people fall short.  I take it as a sign that my body is eating my ass, which is always, always a good thing when you have to wear a sparkly thong that covers roughly 1 inch of skin on either side of your crack.  Instead of saying "I can't have that on my diet," say "I choose not to eat that so I can be successful."  That teeny tiny change in wording completely makes the difference in how you will think about dieting and hunger.  You will never succeed at losing weight/fat if you don't accept hunger.  For my 8 weeks of caloric deficit, I just go to another place, mentally.  LA calls this "food maturity," and I suppose it is. 

That brings me to cheating - taking little nibbles of things here and there that you know won't really affect your physique.  Here's the thing: a little + a little + a little = a lot.  For me, I crave entire pizzas and bags of doughnuts during prep.  Obviously I can't have that.  So what good will 1 little bite actually do?  None!  It certainly isn't going to satisfy any craving that I may have, and it may actually just make my cravings WORSE.  That's not to say that I haven't ever slipped up close to a show and had a bite of something that I shouldn't have.  I dare any competitor to tell me that they haven't.  I'm not perfect, and I never claim to be.  But I try to be pretty effing close during contest prep.  For newbie competitors, this is where you will struggle the most, for sure.  It will drive you crazy, and you'll get to a point where you don't want to be around people and their food.  Even normal food starts to look tempting in those last few weeks.  I typically decline social invitations in the last 2 weeks before a show, just because I don't want to deal with the questions, the weird looks as I pull tilapia out of my purse, and I certainly don't want to be around delicious, tempting food.  My recommendation for newbies is this: get all the shit food out of your house.  Throw it away, donate it, whatever you need to do - just get it out.  I don't keep peanut butter, chocolate, or even extra nuts/oats in my house, because I'll want them.  And when those cravings hit, pull out your posing suit and put it on.  I cannot tell you how many times I walked around my house in my suit at 11pm, reminding myself of my goal.  It helped. 

Now for the good news!

I love contest prep.  Truly.  It is the most challenging thing I have EVER done, both physically and mentally.  My workouts are intense, metabolic, and athletic.  I feel like I'm back in my old soccer glory days.  Sprints, agility, plyos....I feel like a straight pimp during prep.  Certainly much better than those whose trainers plop them on a treadmill for 2hrs a day.  I love pushing myself, especially towards the end when my energy is doo doo.  Picking yourself up and pushing on is what makes a winner.  I never give up.  I always imagine the girl next to me on stage, and I sure as hell ain't gonna be beat by someone else.  So I push, I sweat, I grunt, I cry, I bleed, and I may throw up.  Mentally, there are very few people who have the discipline to compete.  I am aware of this.  There's something in my brain that allows me to ignore hunger, to deal with it, and to keep cheat-free.  I'm not sure what it is, and I have trouble identifying with people who can't control themselves.  To me, it's a matter of choice - you either choose to cheat or you choose to stay on plan.  Your success is ENTIRELY in your own hands.  I love the mental side of competing - I am very aware of how strong I am as I approach a show. 

The other plus?  The obvious: the most insanely hot body you can imagine.  Perhaps this is why this industry is full of narcissists.  It's fascinating to me what happens to the body within the last few weeks, and especially the last few days of prep.  Literally, daily changes occur.  This also may be what helps me stay compliant: I can SEE my dedication and self-control paying off in my physique.  I am way more interested in the SCIENCE of what is happening to the body as a show approaches than I am in having a 6-pack.  Sure, it's cool, don't get me wrong, but trying to figure out how water, sodium, and carbs all interact to change the way the body looks is so freaking cool to me.  Many competitors do photoshoots in the days leading to their shows.  I've done many.  To me, the pictures don't serve as a reminder of my hotness, but rather as a reminder of all of my hard work.  I want to capture that moment in time, because I know I won't do this forever.  Additionally, I am so tired of people saying that muscular, athletic women are not attractive.  I know people differ in what they find aesthetically pleasing, but I've always found athletic-looking girls to be hotter than SFGs.  I like a girl with shape, I like a girl who looks like she can kick some ass.  I do not like a girl who looks like a boy, who has no shape, and who looks like she'd fall over with the slightest breeze.  That shit ain't sexy.  My photoshoots are typically done in an effort to show how gorgeous female muscle is.  Be proud of it, ladies.  You've worked your ass off for it...........literally.  If I can change just 1 person's mind via my photos, I'd be happy. 

So for those of who who are embarking upon your first figure competition, remember this: you are a winner as soon as you hit the stage.  Don't worry about how you place, don't worry about your weight, don't worry about anything.  Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.  Trust your trainer, let them do the hard work, be honest with them at all times (biofeedback is CRUCIAL), and really tune into your own body.  It's a truly fascinating time, both mentally and physically, and I love every minute of it.

Prep Favorites

I'm within the 1st 2 weeks of prep and all is smooth-sailing for now.  My food is GREAT - lots of good choices for me, especially at breakfast, and all food choices throughout the day are foods that I like.  That's the bonus of working with a trainer who doesn't give you a cookie-cutter diet of nothing but oats, egg whites, chicken, tilapia, and asparagus.  I get stuff like cream of wheat, oat bran, ground turkey, lean red meat, shrimp, scallops, rice cakes, white potatoes..........I like the variety, as my dietary autonomy is still very important as I make the transition over into contest prep mode.  About a week before LA gave me my diet, I sent her an email with all of my faves.  Sure, I can't eat Greek Yogurt and fruit for bfast, lunch, and dinner like I have been for a while, but my taste buds are equally as happy with my current selection.

I spent 3 hrs in the kitchen last Thursday night prepping all of my food, and I resurrected some of my old school recipes.  3hrs in 1 night is a lot for me - once I get into a good rotation/schedule, I'll do 2 nights of about 30-45 minutes each.  I try to keep 1 night to meats and 1 night to starches/veggies.  That way I'm not doing everything at once and it's not as cumbersome of a task.  I firmly believe that dietary success is rooted in preparation/planning, and if you make it overwhelming, you'll be less likely to succeed.  PLAN, people!

Here are some of my faves: they're EASY, fast, and pretty damn good.


BP's simple turkey burgers (idea originally given to me by LA!!)

1 packet of french onion soup
1 package of 93/7% lean ground turkey
green onions, sliced (optional)

Combine all ingredients in a bowl and mix it together with your hands until well-combined.  Form into patties (however big or small you want) OR into meatballs.  Heat a grill pan or grill over medium high heat and spray with PAM.  Grill or pan sear for about 6 mins a side or until done (I under cook mine a bit so that when I re-heat them, they're not too done and dry).  Top with yellow mustard and low sugar ketchup (optional).  I sometimes top mine with pickle slices, too :)

Ultimately the onion soup mix will have to come out, at which time I'll switch over to things like onion/garlic powder, Cajun seasoning, oregano, etc.


BP's Fiesta Chicken
I get crazy for Mexican food during prep, and this tends to satisfy my cheesy needs!  1 of my meals right now is 140g chicken + 100g brown rice, so I grill my chicken breasts for the week plain - just salt and pepper. 

Chicken breast
Brown rice
2-3 T fresh salsa or pico (I think the cilantro adds a lot to the flavor of this dish - don't skip it!)
1 t guacamole seasoning
1 T fat free cheddar cheese

Combine chicken and brown rice in a bowl and top with salsa, guac seasoning, and fat free cheese.  Zap in the microwave for about 1minute 20 seconds until the cheese has melted.  Scrumtrulescent!!


BP's BBQ pulled chicken or pork
Definitely an all-time fave, and I even make this in the off season.  I put this in the crock pot at night before I go to bed; when I wake up in the morning, my chicken/pork are done!  I find using frozen chicken/pork keep it much more moist than using thawed out meat.  That's what she said. 

4-6 FROZEN chicken breasts
vinegar-based BBQ sauce (should have 0 cals)
BBQ seasoning

Pour enough BBQ sauce in the bottom of a crock pot to cover it.  Lay the frozen chicken breasts on top of the BBQ sauce.  Pour a little more sauce on top and sprinkle on the BBQ seasoning.  Roast for 6hrs on low in the crock pot.


BP's basil mint shrimp or scallops
My meal plan usually always calls for "white fish," which includes shrimp and scallops.  I love them both and this recipe is really versatile.

1lb scrimp or large sea scallops
PAM cooking spray
1 T basil
1 T mint
1/2 - 1 T crushed red pepper flakes

Place washed scallops/shrimp in a bowl and spray liberally with PAM.  Sprinkle on basil, mint, and red pepper and toss to coat.  Heat grill pan or regular pan over medium high heat and sear on each side for 2-3 mins.  Yum!

Char-grilled asparagus
2-3 bunches of asparagus, ends trimmed
EVOO or, in my case, PAM olive oil spray
salt/pepper

Arrange asparagus spears in a small pyrex dish and spray with the PAM olive oil spray or with regular olive oil.  Sprinkle salt/pepper on top and toss to coat.  Heat a grill skillet over high heat and char-grill until you see grill marks.  So simple, but really yummy. 

Sweet Potato Fries
I've posted this recipe MANY times, but it's a goodie, so here it is again:

5-6 sweet potatoes, washed and cut into beefsteak fries
onion powder
parsley
salt/pepper
cajun seasoning

Arrange fries on a cookie sheet sprayed with PAM.  Spray the fries lightly with PAM and sprinkle on all the herbs.  Heat your oven to 400 and bake for 40-50 mins.  They won't really be crispy like fries, so don't expect that.  Frying is really what gives them a crispy texture.  These are BAKED and thus healthier. 

Protein Pancakes
168g egg whites (about 3)
7g vanilla protein powder
1/2 t baking powder
2 g sf/ff cheesecake jello pudding mix
45g oats or cream of wheat
cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, splenda

Contest Prep.........And Heeeeeeeere We Go!!

Well, it's about that time.  Time for me to put on my stripper heels and don my custom-fitted glorified sparkly thong.  My next show will be the OCB Yorton Cup on 10/29/11 in Washington DC.  I'm very excited about getting back up on stage for a few reasons.  First, even though I placed 5th in my class at Jr. USAs, I felt I got lucky, especially considering my physique wasn't as bangin' as I wanted it to be or as I knew it could be.  I was personally disappointed in my own performance (although, I do blame my prep), and I feel the need to better myself.  Second, I have worked my ASS off to put on good, lean, quality muscle over the last 10 months.  I've hit the weights HARD, eaten lots of good, clean food, and have put on about 12-15lbs since last year.  My physique is going to look so different from what I brought to the stage last year, and I'm excited to see what is underneath.  Third, putting on that much muscle/weight has affected me a little bit, mentally, since it required that I get a bit bigger.  I look good, don't get me wrong.  I'm not fat, but I did have to buy some bigger clothes, which, as any woman will tell you, can be difficult.  My legs grew a bit, and so have my lats and shoulders, which has increased my overall size.  I've had days where this really affects me, and then other days I'm fine.  I know I can be overly critical of myself, and I am aware of this.  I am also aware that you cannot gain muscle without gaining some fat.  It is what it is. 

I start a new diet July 1 - I will still be off-season, calorie-wise, but I will be changing back to higher protein, moderate carb, lower fat.  My body usually responds very quickly, so we'll see how the first few weeks go.  I'll stick to that for 2 months or so before I start a true contest prep diet.  I'm lucky in that I need only about 8 weeks of more strict dieting to get ready for the stage.  People that prep for 20+ weeks  - you're in the wrong sport.  It should never be that hard or take that long; if it does, see my previous statement. 

Some people have asked me, "Why the switch from the NPC to the OCB?"  I have many, many reasons - probably too many to list; I won't bore you with all of them.  I've competed in the NPC for over a year, and I've seen and heard some things that simply to not appeal to me, do not sit well with me, and that I do not want to be a part of any longer.  That's not to say that I won't do an NPC local show in the future for shits and giggles, but I likely will never compete in the NPC at the national level again.  I'll leave it at that.  Additionally, the drug use really gets to me.  I had a long discussion with a good friend about this last week when I was up in Chicago for Jr. Nats.  I am an athlete and have been since I came out of the womb.  I play fair.  I believe that the person who is the best that day should always win.  And that person should be the best because they've played fair.  The drug use is just too much for me, and I just don't think it's fair for a natural girl like me to stand next to an amazon woman who has been using steroids for 3 years.  We prep for months for these shows and to be screwed on show day is a slap in the damn face.  If you cheat to get on stage, whether that be by taking drugs or doing something weird with a judge, YOU DON'T DESERVE TO WIN.  At the end of the day, you have to look at yourself in the mirror, and you know what you've done.  I am in no way willing to compromise my morals/standards/values or my body for this sport.  This is a hobby for me - something fun to do, a personal challenge to overcome.  I've seen way too many deserving girls get screwed and I'm really tired of it.  I could say a lot more, but I won't.  I will continue to support my friends who compete in the NPC, but I'm moving to a federation that I feel is more fair, and where the cheating is less.  I may piss a few people off with these statements, and that's fine.  These are my opinions, and I've had over a year of going to these shows and hearing weird stories and SEEING things backstage, and this is the conclusion to which I have come. 

So, gang, my recipes will move towards more prep-friendly food.  For those of you who don't compete, I still think you'll find some of the recipes good alternatives (ie protein pancakes - truly delicious).  And for my competitor friends, you'll get to see just how creative I can get when I start to get lean and mean :)

Gym Etiquette

This blog post is more for comedic entertainment than anything.  Small apologies if this offends you (yes, only small).  These are in no particular order, and I'm sure I'm leaving some out - these are just the ones that piss me off the most.  Feel free to add YOUR favorites in the comments section :)

1) Don't talk on your cell phone
I really hate to break it to you, but no one gives a shit about your conversation.  It's not important, and neither are you.  And you get double turd points if you talk on the cell phone while doing cardio (ahem, SFGs), OR while resting on a bench in between sets.  If you can carry on a conversation while doing cardio, guess what?  You're doing it wrong. 

2) Take a shower
I really don't care about your religion and whether or not it allows you to use deodorant.  I care about my nose and its happiness.  And if I'm trying to crunch out a set of heavy deadlifts, the LAST thing I want to smell is your unwashed undercarriage or your smelly, onion-y pits.  And certainly not a combination of both.  Have some decency.  Bring soap and a washcloth to the gym and scrub that shit before you hit the floor.  Scrub in between sets.  Just BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING!  I cannot stand people who have no regard for others.

3)  Save your boobie shirts for the club
Ladies, you know who you are.  And I'm not hatin'.  You look good with your boobs floppin' all around, and they're nice, but seriously??????  If you need THAT much attention, your problem is in your head and it can't be solved in the gym.  Go see a therapist and get your mind right.  I'm there to do work, not to pick up dudes. 

4)  You don't own the gym
If weights/machines are free, I'm going to take them.  If I don't see you on them, I'm taking them.  Don't come back over to me 10 minutes after I start my circuit and say, "I was using that."  I really, really don't care.  You can work in with me, but you're not taking things away from me while I'm using them.  That's like coming into the bathroom while I'm on the toilet and telling me you have to dookskie.  Go in the sink. 

5) It's called "working in"
If you're sitting on a weight bench, talking on your cell phone (please see Rule #1), talking to your friends, cleaning your nails, twirling your hair, adjusting your boobs (see Rule #3), or anything that is NOT considered working out, I'm likely going to ask you if I can work in with you.  Do not tell me, "No, I'm using this."  Because you're not - you're taking a break, completely NOT using the equipment.  It's one of the biggest rules of gym etiquette to let others work in with you.  I always allow others to work in with me - I play in the sandbox with others.  People who blow off this request think they're God's gift to meatheads, and I dislike them.  And, I usually tell them this and remind them of the rules. 

6) Please, meatheads, lift appropriately
Biggest offenders: lat pulldown machine and leg press.  If your body comes off the seat at the upper part of the movement on lat pulldowns, guess what?  You're using too much weight.  If you can only do partial reps of leg press with 8 plates on each side, guess what?  You're using too much weight.  Oh, and if you DO obnoxiously heavy stuff, re-rack your damn weights.  I see this ALL the time, and only with men.  Is it the extra testosterone?  Is is the machismo?  What is it?  Do you know how ridiculous you look?  And what makes it worse is when you slam the machines/weights down at the end of your 2 pathetic reps and grunt or yell really loudly, like you're a badass or something.  And then you look at all the hot chicks in the room and nod your head.  Really?  I bet you have a really tiny ding dong.

7) You have mirrors at home. 
Please don't strut, kiss your muscles, check out your ass/boobs, or flex in the mirrors at the gym.  No one cares and you look silly.

8) Please learn to count
Maybe this is just an issue at my gym, but I'm very Type A, and when I see the 50s where the 15s should be, I get upset.  What upsets me more is when I see someone pick up the 50s, do a few sets, and then come back to the rack, not even CLOSE to where they got their weights, and put them in the 15 spot.  I mean, do you not pay attention to ANY of your surroundings?  Do you not look at the 12s and 20s on either side of the now misplaced 50s and say, "Hmm, this doesn't look right"??????????  What's the deal, y'all??  Numbers are sequential, always.  So, Fitness World folks, it goes 10, 12, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, etc.  Please go back to kindergarten. 


9) Don't stand in front of me in the mirror
If I'm doing an exercise that requires me to be VERY precise with my form, I stand in front of a mirror to make sure I'm doing it right (this is what the mirrors are REALLY for - please see Rule #7).  I cannot tell you how many times someone has stepped directly in front of me to do a set of their own.  This again goes back to being aware of yourself in space and in relation to others.  I have a hard time deciding whether people are just THAT oblivious/dumb, or if they're just really hateful people.

10)  Don't do a set DIRECTLY in front of the weight rack
How many times do you go up to the weight rack to pick up your weights, only to have someone standing a pubic-hair away from the rack, in the middle of a set.  If you're an offender in this area, why do you do this?  Are you the protector of the weights?  Do you get a special helmet and cape for such a title?  If not, I can make you one, but it will certainly have some sort of pejorative on it.  People can't get to the weights, moron.  I don't wait for you - I will move you aside gently and take my weights.  Or, if you don't move, I will stand right next to you, as close as you are to the rack, and make it OBVIOUS that you're in the way until you do move. 

End of list

Papa Spuds Rocks My Socks

About a month ago I was eating dinner with my girlfriends, when one of them said, "I would not be able to LIVE without Papa Spuds!"  She then went on to describe this wonderful world where garden-fresh fruits, veggies, meats, and dairy products are delivered right to her door.  This piqued my interest, so I asked, "What's Papa Spuds?"  My girlfriends looked at me like I had not been LIVING for the last 28 years, so I knew it was something good.  Turns out, they were right! 

Papa Spuds is a local produce delivery system.  You go online (http://www.papaspuds.com/), sign up in 3 easy minutes, and then select your preferences for veggies, fruits, and a myriad of other food items.  You pay weekly, per delivery, and each delivery is $23 for a party of 2, or $40 for a party of 4.  Each different-sized box comes with a pre-selected number of credits (the small boxes come with 20 credits), and you pick exactly what you want until you've reached all of your credits.  Then, every Tuesday, I come home to a box of delightful freshness on my doorstep!!  Oh, and did I mention that if you're going on vacation, you can put and order on hold and not get charged for the week?  It's really quite marvelous, and I'm more than mildly obsessed.  PS also sends recipes with each delivery, so you can order things that you've NEVER eaten before, and know what to do with it.  I ordered quail eggs my first time, and I made a quail egg quiche; it was da bomb!!  I am such a snob about the freshness of my fruits and veggies, and I hate how quickly grocery produce spoils.  It's wonderful to have fresh produce in my house now.  Tomatoes for my salads, bok choy, raspberries for my cereal or greek yogurt, squash, lettuce, mushrooms..........PS even has pork chops. 

One of my deliveries!

Here are some of my favorite creations with my recent PS loot.  As I draw closer and closer to contest prep, I might have to start getting the $40 box so I can stock up on sweet potatoes and asparagus.  And I think contest prep (ie more veggies for me) will be MUCH better with fresh stuff to eat.  Until then, I shall enjoy all the jams, breads, fruits, and cheese to my heart's content!!

And for those of you in the Triangle, if you sign up for Papa Spuds, put me down as your referral and I'll get extra credits on my next order. Thanks in advance for keeping me fat and happy.

Parmesan Roasted Broccoli (cut out the cheese and nuts and sub PAM for oil during prep)

4 cups broccoli florets
3 T olive oil
3 garlic cloves, sliced
salt/pepper
1/2 lemon, zested
1/2 lemon, juiced
3 T toasted pine nuts or sunflower seeds
1/4 c grated parmesan cheese
1 T fresh basil leaves, chopped

Toss broccoli pieces on a large sheet pan with the sliced garlic and drizzle with 2 T evoo.  Sprinkle with salt and pepper, and bake at 425 for 20-25 minutes.  Remove from oven and toss with 1 T evoo, lemon zest and juice, pine nuts, cheese, and basil.  Serve immediately.

Honey Ginger Green Beans (make without the honey during prep, and skip the pecans; sub PAM for evoo)

4 T olive oil
1 lb fresh green beans
6 oz mushrooms (I used portobellas since that's what I got from PS)
1/4 c soy sauce
1 T minced garlic
1 shallot, chopped
1 T honey
2 t minced fresh ginger (I used powdered, tastes the same)
3 T chopped pecans (optional)

Heat oil in a skillet until hot.  Reduce to medium and add green beans and mushrooms.  Saute until crisp and tender, about 5 minutes.  Add soy sauce, garlic, honey, ginger, and shallot.  Bring to a boil over medium heat and cook until sauce thickens slightly and coats the beans.  Sprinkly with chopped nuts and serve.

Oven Roasted Potatoes (I make these all during prep by subbing PAM for evoo)

6-8 red potatoes, cut into quarters
2-3 T olive oil
parsley
onion powder

Heat oven to 350.  Mix all ingredients in an oven-safe pyrex dish and bake for 50-55 minutes.